It’s so hot

Why

Who has done this to me

Why is it so hot

Guys guys guys, a question. Now that I am a GRADUATE STUDENT (well, I am taking a single summer class as a non-matriculating student in the CUNY Hunter Epidemiology and Biostatistics Masters of Public Health program, BUT STILL), I am working on my first assignment, like the little Hermione I am. BUT! Let us put this issue to a public vote (of my Tumblr friends) (so like 5 people) (WHATEVER, AGAIN). I am stuck on a sentence that I will surely write many, many variations on in my public health career. Here is the sentence in question:

“Articles that focus on adolescents of ____ genders will not be considered relevant.” (The paper is about endocrine disruptors and adolescent girls. HOW FUN, right!)

“Both genders” is obviously the most common phrase. However, that is a phrase that now leaps out at me as wildly incorrect every time I see it. Like putting an apostrophe in the wrong place, except leaving out an apostrophe doesn’t erase a bunch of people. To me, “all genders” is correct. But for all I know, my professor (who I have not yet met) is a transphobic crusader or simply an ignorant fogey, who will cross out “all” and take off a million points.

So what should I do?

A: Write “both genders.” You’re a straight cis gender-conforming white woman and this isn’t a Queer Studies class; therefore you have no obligation to get all radical in this context. Don’t rock the boat, let the cisnormative establishment win! 

B: Write “all genders.” If the professor notes it at all, sit her down and tell her why you wrote what you wrote, and if she takes off points, explain that if she proceeds with her ignorant grading you will take it all the way to the Highest Authority on Gender in All Its Permutations (which is, I don’t know, maybe Kate Bornstein?), because it would be your great honor to fight the kyriarchy, here and everywhere forever until the walls of oppression come tumbling down, HEYYYYYY OOOOOOOOOO.

YOUR VOTE???

Almost every chapter of this novel so far is titled “Going to [place name],” because the Mountain Goat is my spirit animal, and if you don’t wanna read endless-road-trip let’s-just-drive-away-forever-and-reinvent-our-lives is-there-a-plot?-please-tell-me-there’s-going-to-be-a-plot nope-it’s-just-driving-and-remembering-and-episodic-adventures-with-locals-like-The-Remains-of-the-Day OR-IS-IT novels, then you ain’t no friend of mine.

Or, more likely, you’re still probably a friend of mine, but this is not the novel for you.

That’s okay! There have been and will be other novels. But right now, this is the one, I have picked it up again after a long hiatus, and it feels good.

I wrote the first twelve thousand words last year, during a period when I could barely eat anything, so there are a comical number of references to food. God knows what current fixation I’ll notice in retrospect.

ATTENTION: FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: updates about me being pissed about married women changing their names!

1) I forgot that I have a married queer friend, although the circumstances around that marriage are complicated (“Did I tell you, we sent in the paperwork so I could be on my roommate’s lease, and it turns out we’re married, so now I get health insurance”), so I missed it on my Facebook skim. Sorry! She reminded me, though! I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE THAT YOUR NAME IS THE SAME AS IT’S ALWAYS BEEN.

2) Another friend got straight-married a couple of days ago and is not changing her name. I am told that when she brought up changing her name with her fiance (whose name is admittedly pretty sweet), he said, “Why would you want to do that?”

3) I know both of these lovely ladies through the Episcopal Church campus ministry.

4) Neither of them got married in the church backyard.

Last night I was on a roof at a party. The party was okay. The roof was awesome.

At some point, R told me that at this party, multiple men had said they were “intimidated” by me. Once I got over the initial shock (there is not a lot of room in my historical self-image for the concept “intimidating”), I searched for my outrage and couldn’t find it.

I may never be Joan or Buffy or Patty Hewes (<3 u, TV role models), but hey, at least I can make some dudes at a party say, “It seems like she gives men the opposite of the benefit of the doubt,” and “I don’t think she liked me.” 

“You don’t think I liked you?” I said to that last one, after my informant squealed. Nothing cures intimidation like a little confrontation.

“No, it seemed like you didn’t,” he said.

“I don’t even know you,” I said, surprised but unperturbed. And I realized that I am completely over the concept of laughing at dudes’ jokes, propping up their egos, nodding vacantly at their boring conversations just so they’ll feel liked. I don’t care about their bands! I actually don’t! I care about my friends’ bands regardless of gender, but I don’t give a fuck about whether random dudes are made comfortable by my presence. How great is that!

I must, obviously, end this post with Peaches.

I just sent out a Facebook message to, like, every cool person I know asking them to contribute to a project. As with all my Facebook messages, it is way too long and too earnest by half. Oh well, “Way too long and too earnest by half” wouldn’t be a bad life summary to end up with. In fact, I think I’ll aim for it. Where are my vegetables and my genuine professions of love?

YOU TOO, PLEASE CONTRIBUTE TO MY PROJECT. If you’re reading this, you probably already got a message about it. If not, HERE LET ME WRITE YOU ANOTHER GIANT MESSAGE.

In the process, I learned that I am friends with:

• Sooo many people named Melissa
• Harry James Potter (deactivated account)
• One cat

Almost done (re) watching seven seasons of Buffy. Solution: (re) watch three seasons of Veronica Mars. I will be in a wonderful cycle of love/critique/love/get frustrated with/love tiny blonde viewer-stand-ins-that-I-id-with-but-they’re-way-more-badass-than-me forever!

The WB website only has seasons 2 and 3 up right now, though, so it’s a lot of Logan looking wistful, and Piz, who is just too Nice Guy (TM) for me. But also, Mac! Though it’s confusing to go from college!Buffy’s Parker to college!Veronica’s Parker. I had a visceral “UGH NO” reaction as soon as they mention “Parker’s room.”

Paul Rudd is in this? Oh, and Kyle from Party Down! So much I don’t remember.